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To Hold, or Not To Hold

3 December 2003, 10 am | Faith, Opinion

I usually do not write about conversations I get involved with on other weblogs, but I stumbled into one over at Amy Welborn’s open book. The original post was about the minor changes in posture during the Liturgy. The comments naturally gravitated to how different parishes have or have not implemented the changes.

One touchy area (sorry, pun intended) has always been whether a congregation holds hands during the Our Father. The new changes do not address this issue. Some parishes hold hands, others do not. It does not exactly make one way right and the other wrong. It is the preference of that community. I can accept that, whatever it may be.

Thanks to a link left by Henry Dieterich, the “official” position on this practice during worship is not in the rubrics. It is a “spontaneous” practice that probably should be discouraged because it interrupts the flow of the Liturgy:

It is an inappropriate “sign,” since Communion is the sign of intimacy. Thus, a gesture of intimacy is introduced both before the sign of reconciliation (the Sign of Peace), but more importantly, before Holy Communion, the sacramental sign of communion/intimacy within the People of God.

I understand the inappropriateness of the timing of the gesture of holding hands, but am I conflicted over this issue. For me, it is one of those issues where the rule seems to conflict a little bit with the intent of the rule.

I remember the first Mass I went to at the small catholic high school where I teach. I was a newcomer, not sure exactly where I fit within the community. Holding hands during the Our Father gave me a tactile and non-verbal sign of acceptance. I felt included. (It also happens to take us a full two minutes to get through the Sign of Peace.) At our school Masses, we first and foremost worship Jesus only, but it is also an opportunity to celebrate our Christian community. Holding hands is one of the ways that reminds us of that fact.

On the rare occasion when I visit another church, I honestly feel welcome and included when a stranger, a fellow Christian, reaches a hand out to mine for prayer (regardless of denomination). I know that Holy Communion does the same thing, but there is something about the physical touch. Holding hands touches us on a deeper level than just shaking hands. I bet there are single people all over the country, old and young alike, that holding hands during the Our Father is the longest moment of physical contact with another human being that they have next to a hand shake.

I love the Liturgy. It affects the whole person—mind, body, and spirit. The psalms and songs affect the right/artistic side of the brain. The scripture readings and the homily affect the left/analytical side of the brain. Both affect the emotions. Holy Communion is for the whole person and the whole community. The Bread, the Wine, and the holding/shaking hands affect the whole person. When the Liturgy is over, I feel whole, refreshed, and rejuvenated for the next leg of my journey.

I am surprised at myself for defending this practice. I have over-analyzed this issue. I respect the feelings of others not wanting to hold hands. I do not want to distract from someone else’s concentration during worship. I am not a particularly touchy-feely kind of person. Like most people, I like to keep that no-contact zone about me in most situations. I have learned to drop that zone after having kids. I have learned to drop it even more now that I have converted. Sometimes the commandment of love your neighbor means touching them, literally.

I follow the advice from my priest—when in Rome, do what the Romans do. If you visit a church where they hold hands, join in. If they do not, then don’t. Simple as that. I believe it is strictly up to the parish to decide what they want to do since it has been left out of the “official” documentation. It is a community decision.

But I have to smile at the comments against holding hands made at open book. Some of them sound like stuffy old, blue-blooded WASP’s.   ;-)

Comments

  1. At my parish we hold hands during the Lor’d Prayer - and I like it! It’s a good thing for our parish, and it is a parish tradition. There is nothing like reaching out and touching one of your fellow parishioners and singing/chanting the Lord’s Prayer.

    We also use (gasp!) some inclusive language in the liturgy, we (horrors!) stand during the entire Eucharistic Prayer, and we have immersion baptisms. I’ve found that this puts us sort of on the fringe….

    ∼ πλ · 4 December 2003, 4 am · by Steve Bogner ¬

  2. I just posted my two cents on Amy’s blog. I’d repeat it here, but I’m a slow typest and don’t have the time. I’d copy it here, but don’t have the skill. I’d be interested in any reactions, however. I’ll check back here when I can. Thanks.

    ∼ πλ · 5 December 2003, 10 am · by Mike Petrik ¬

  3. Mike,

    I agree with your point: “The answer to the question is found in America’s current obsession with choice, individualism and relativism. Prior generations would never think of letting their idiosyncratic preferences govern their liturgical behavior, but today’s generations do. It’s a ‘whatever floats my boat’ world, and such a psychology is at tension with the very idea of liturgy.”

    I do not think the holding hands issue is exactly motivated by “whatever floats your boat.” As a recent convert to Catholicism (less than 2 years plus the occasional Masses I attended with my wife throughout the years), all I have ever known is the holding of hands during the Our Father. Only recently over the past year, have I learned about other congregations not holding hands through other weblogs and visits to churchs in other cities.

    From my limited experience, I disagree with your statement, “… as currently practiced it is actually grounded completely in individual preference.” I believe that it has been a community decision within each parish. Now, how that decision was made within each parish, I do not know. I presume that in a few parishes, it may have been rammed down their throats by a few overbearing individuals. I have faith that in most parishes, it was and still is a community decision to whether or not to follow the practice.

    As I hoped I implied in my post, I can take it or leave it, but given the choice, I much prefer it.

    ∼ πλ · 5 December 2003, 4 pm · by Mark ¬

  4. Discovered two more links related to this journal entry:

    “Hand-Holding at the Our Father” at http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=508

    Scroll down to the middle of the page and look for the heading “Follow-up: Hand-Holding at the Our Father” at http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=546

    ∼ πλ · 5 December 2003, 4 pm · by Mark ¬

  5. Thanks, for your response, Mark. I guess it all depends on what is meant by community decision. I doubt that there has veer been a formal decision made in any parish as to the practice of holding hands during the Our Father. In any case I’m confident that any such formal decisons are rare. Instead, the phenomenon occurs organically. A few people start it, others like it and adopt it, and over time it becomes de facto normalized. It is unlikely that the practice is universally preferred, but in some parishes it may be universally practiced either because people think it must be a liturgical norm (your own personal experience) or they are reluctant to decline to participate for fear of appearing to be priggish or antisocial or perhaps hurting someone’s feelings. Although I was less than clear on the point, my comment about the practice being grounded in personal preference was not directed toward those people who participate to just get along or because they assume it is a norm, but to those who know it is not a norm but insist on doing it anyway without regard for the preferences of others who should be entitled to participate in Mass without feeeling pressured to do something that has no liturgical foundation.

    ∼ πλ · 6 December 2003, 9 am · by Mike Petrik ¬

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