CowPi Journal

One Particular Prayer

22 May 2004, 9 am | Faith, On Prayer

The other morning, this thought entered my stream of consciousness quite abruptly. It was not like most thoughts that seem to float down my river of consciousness, where I can gingerly shift focus of attention from one thought to the next, as if hopping from one boat to another. No, this thought appeared suddenly, as if a giant boulder had been ever-so-gently placed in the middle of the river. No splash. No waves. I did not see it coming. It was just suddenly there, sitting in the middle of the river of my thoughts, waiting for me to engage it. Although this particular thought did not demand attention, it did make its presence known. It waited. It waited patiently until all the other thoughts had drifted off down the river and allowed me to step onto it.

The thought was simple. It was also startling. I may have even thought about it previously, but it must have been washed down stream with so many other thoughts. This one particular thought could not be classified as profound or earthshaking, but it has managed to change the direction of my prayer life by a few degrees.

I have developed the habit of ending some of my prayers by giving thanks to God for finding me, for opening my heart to Him and to others. The other morning, I remember pausing at the thought of God finding me. It was not that God had lost tract of me. He knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was the one who was lost, and even though I did not know it at the time, I was looking for Him. I had needed His help to step outside of myself in order to be found, to let God open the door to my heart. God found me. He helped me (and still does). God gave me the gift of faith.

Now that I have been found, why me? Why then? How was it that I was lucky enough to learn or recognize the fact that God has loved me my whole life? That He wants a relationship with each of us? I am tempted to ask what drew God’s attention to me. What turned His gaze in my direction? But this of course is not an accurate description. God is always looking at us, each and every one of us, all of the time. But then again, “looking” is not a correct term either. He is with us, in us. He is everywhere, every when.

Then I saw that thought in the middle of my consciousness. How could I have not seen it earlier? I reluctantly stepped into the thought, ashamed that it did not occur to me earlier and anxious of what I might find. A wave of gratitude and peace engulfed me. Somebody had prayed for me.

A deep breath. My heart smiled. Then my next thoughts rushed at me. Maybe my wife had prayed for me? My daughters? My dad? Maybe, maybe, maybe…

No. Yes. I slowed down my thoughts to stay within the peace. No, somebody else had prayed too. Yes, the prayers of those people were important. All prayers are. But there was someone else who had prayed. Then my heart drew upward. Heaven had prayed for me. Someone in heaven had prayed for me.

My heart began to search for whom. My mother? My grandparents? A saint? Mary? Jesus? Maybe everyone in heaven prayed for me? Maybe everyone in heaven prays for everyone else? Part of me wants to know. Part of me does not. It does not matter. They, we, all of us are part of the Body of Christ. Every prayer gets sent out through the whole Body. It touches everyone somehow, someway, some when.

I am grateful. I am grateful with my whole heart and soul and being. Someone loves me enough to pray for me. And it has changed my life in ways I am only now beginning to fathom.