CowPi: Lets Talk About Sex

Lets Talk About Sex

21 September 2004, 7 am | Quote, Story

Last week, my quote on the corner of the chalkboard in my classroom was:

You have to unzip your heart before you unzip your pants.

Written in parenthesis under the quote was, “In other words, why would you trust your most precious sexuality with someone you do not trust with the secrets of your heart?”

I would have never done that when I was a public school teacher. I am a different person now. I wonder if I would?

I let my principal know about the quote. I didn’t want her to be surprised by any parental phone calls. She supported me a 100%. She never did get any phone calls.

In every class, it was always a female student who made a positive comment about the quote. They seem to appreciate someone reminding them that it is still okay to set boundaries and to stick to them.

The guys were strangely quiet on the issue, but it applies to them just as much as it does the gals.

In one particular class, the guys were a vast minority. There was only three guys present that day. The fourth was absent. I sensed one of those teachable moments, so I kicked the guys out into the hallway for about four minutes. I told my female students, who were a little giddy with anticipation, that I was going to be frank with them. That I wanted to talk with them much like a caring uncle or big brother. One of them asked if I had this talk with my own daughter. I said yes.

I told them that guys only want to get into your pants. They already knew that. I told them they will do anything to get in there. They will say, do, beg, plead, anything. And if you say no, they will pout like little boys. They will buy you things and give you extra attention. They will say sweet things to you. You will like this attention. You may come to crave and depend on this attention. BUT, set your boundaries. Respect yourself first because they only want to use you.

If you say no and the guy disappears, then he was not worth it. If you say no and the guy sticks around, then he respects you. He might be worth it.

I also said that as a teacher in a Catholic high school, it is my responsibility to tell you to wait until marriage for sex. Sex complicates a relationship. You hear about all the rules the Church seems to have about sex. It is because they realize how precious this gift is. Sex is such a beautiful and wonderful gift. Don’t waste it. Don’t squander it. Marriage is suppose to protect it, nurture it. It takes deep trust to really reap the benefits and joy from sex. Anything less, is well, less. You would be selling yourself short when it is worth so much more.

As I walked to the door to let the guys back in, I told the girls that I just didn’t want them to get hurt. Sex has a way of hurting people. Deep hurts that take a long time to heal. Set your boundaries.

As I write his journal entry, it seems to me that despite what our contemporary culture says about sex, it is still about gals protecting their virginity while guys try to figure a way to lose theirs. Our modern culture has just made it much easier for girls to buy the lie and give it up to the guys.

Maybe that is why I just cringe when I see a sixteen year old, or any woman of any age, wearing a Playboy bunny emblem. They do not realize that they are giving up their personhood and asking to be treated like an object. The need for attention at any price?

Comments

As the mother of two daughters, I thank you for having that caring talk with those girls. Hopefully you have given them something that will pop up in their minds when they are put under pressure.

∼ πλ · 21 September 2004, 11 am · by Julie D. ¬
While I strongly agree with your message, as a parent I would prefer to know ahead of time when someone is planning to have a discussion such as this with my child. You said you let your principal know ahead of time, but don’t you think it was equally, if not more important, to let the parents of these kids know of your plan?

If I were a parent of one of your students, I would have been more than happy to sign a parental consent form allowing her to be a part of your lecture, but hearing about it after the fact would cause me to wonder what else you had up your sleeve.

∼ πλ · 21 September 2004, 3 pm · by Julie M. ¬
Julie M. — I am surprised you did not catch my ulterior motive. I thought the first sentence in the third paragraph from the end *pointed* to the real motive.

∼ πλ · 22 September 2004, 8 am · by Mark ¬
That was awesome Mr. Woo. I agree 100% and this stuff needs to be said more often!

∼ πλ · 22 September 2004, 11 am · by Bart Ferrell ¬
“As I walked to the door to let the guys back in, I told the girls that I just didn’t want them to get hurt.”

I’m just making sure, but is this the sentence you were referring to? If so, as I mentioned before, I understand your motive and agree with you, but I think the same point could have been made if the parents were notified before hand.

Maybe I am the one who didn’t make myself clear. When I made the statement “but hearing about it after the fact would cause me to wonder what else you had up your sleeve” I wasn’t referring to this particular talk you had with the girls, I was referring to what may come in the future. Maybe everything you present in the future will be as honorable and necessary as this was. More people need to tell kids what you told your students. I commend you on your message. My question remains, though. Why didn’t you tell the parents?

∼ πλ · 22 September 2004, 2 pm · by Julie M. ¬
What a great caring teacher you are!

I was very promiscuous in my younger days, and now I pray that I can teach my children about abstaining for health, and love. I don’t want such a beautiful thing to be meaningless for them.

I am actually finding more adults that are holding on to that virginity. One of my best friends was 27 before he lost his virginity and he actually regrets it wasn’t with someone he is madly in love with. I know another friend of mine, a woman, who is going on 27 and is still a virgin and intends to be until she finds that special someone.

As to the parents.. I too am a parent that prefers to be informed of sexual education in the school… but I also know that if more parents would be concerned and were having these talks with their girls and boys alike that we wouldn’t have so many teenagers having babies on welfare, so I’m thankful for this brand of ‘education’. It to me is a lot more acceptable than the public school version of sex education.. teaching the proper way to put a condom on etc….

∼ πλ · 22 September 2004, 6 pm · by Fish ¬
Julie M. — I place a quote on my board each week for any and all to see. (I usually grab it from my quote weblog.) The topics for the quotes usually involve something about character, ethics, morality, motivation, or faith.

If the quote makes one think, great. If it causes a discussion to occur spontaneously, that’s great too. There is no prior planning involved. What ever quote that gets put on the board depends on how the spirit moves me on Monday morning.

For this particular quote, I told my principal about it so that she would not be surprized *in case* she got any phone calls. Neither of us expected any. We view education at my school as a team effort.

“Why didn’t [I] tell the parents [before hand]?” — Because the discussion was spontaneous, initiated by the students in response to the quote. It was a teachable moment. Any teacher worth their salt and an ounce of courage would, should, do the same.

As a teacher in a Catholic high school, my job is not only to teach math, but also to teach (model) faith and morality. To quote something from my school’s website: “The Catholic high school experience teaches students to become responsible and caring people. Facing adulthood demands decisions that become building blocks of character and self-confidence. …learning how to make the right choices—the informed, moral, and compassionate choices—is a process that is explored daily.”

Parents know before hand what my school’s, and thus my position will be on issues. The parents of my students expect something different from public schools.

∼ πλ · 23 September 2004, 6 am · by Mark ¬
Thanks for the input, and again I agree with you. I am glad you didn’t pass up the opportunity to teach these young girls what it’s really like. I hope that they went home and discussed it with their parents and were able to have as open a conversation with them.

In school, I received the “sex talk” from two teachers. One was part of the lesson plan in a health class that discussed the anatomy end of things as well as every type of contraceptive that was available at that time. The other talk was given to a few friends and myself in the 4th grade. A teacher, not even ours, pulled us aside on the way to recess and taught us how to put a condom on a broomstick. He was later fired as a result of his actions.

∼ πλ · 23 September 2004, 9 am · by Julie M. ¬
Julie M. — You have every reason to be suspicious. You do not know me except from a few words on a webpage, but I try my best, with help from God, to live my life as an integrated whole. I try to live my faith in every aspect of my life. This is hard to portray in a weblog.

I honestly want to see *all* of my students in heaven someday, even the ones who were a bit of a “challenge” in the classroom. I definitely wouldn’t get there, and they probably wouldn’t either, if I did anything…well, let’s just say, anything to jeopardize that. I pray that each of my students, just like my own children, live long, happy, prosperous lives in the light and love of the Lord.

And not to sound too sentimental, I hope to see you in heaven too. :)

May God’s love, peace, and energy touch you in faith.

∼ πλ · 23 September 2004, 10 am · by Mark ¬
Hey Mark,
I appreciate your zeal, but speaking as a parent, I would have wanted some advance notice too. Just an opinion.
Peace,
Karen

∼ πλ · 25 September 2004, 6 pm · by Karen H. ¬
First off, I’d like to thank you Mark for taking the time to answer my questions. It’s nice discussing issues such as this with someone who is open and honest, and as Julie D. says, someone who is reasonable and understanding.

Since everyone seems to want to talk about sex, I have another question. You said “I would have never done that when I was a public school teacher.” Why is that? Suppose you had given this talk to the students, how differently do you think the students, parents, and school administrators have responded?

∼ πλ · 25 September 2004, 9 pm · by Julie M. ¬
Julie M. — When I was a public school teacher (for ten years), the situation was very different, partly due to different schools, but mostly because I am a different person now.

I had a very good public school principal and she probably would have supported the quote. I think the students would have reacted very similarly. Kids are the same everywhere and respond to any adult that shows that they care. Also back then, I was not placing a weekly quote on the board.

The most important difference is that I am a different person now. I did not have faith in God when I was teaching in a public school. I do not think I would have had enough courage to do that back then. If faith does not change a person on the inside, and ultimately does not change what he or she does on the outside, then that faith is stillborn. Only through and in God can we really, truly change for the better.

∼ πλ · 26 September 2004, 9 am · by Mark ¬
“If faith does not change a person on the inside, and ultimately does not change what he or she does on the outside, then that faith is stillborn. Only through and in God can we really, truly change for the better.”

Perfectly said. That is exactly why I came back to my Catholic faith. Thank you for the quote. I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’ll print that one up to read at least several times a day.

∼ πλ · 26 September 2004, 10 pm · by Julie M. ¬
This post was awesome to read, Mark. Way to go. Keep it up. I would have been super happy to hear from my kids that you said this to them. It goes perfectly with the education in any kind of Christian school, not just Catholic.

∼ πλ · 28 September 2004, 9 am · by Katherine ¬
Mark,
I think this was very well done. As a father of four, I understand the importance of girls hearing this from others outside the family as well. As a teacher, you have their ear. As a male teacher, you can back up your position with fruitful knowledge - and you are much more likely to be heard. In my opinion, girls simply need to know they are making the right decision on these issues, which is precisely what you told them.

By the way, I appreciate your courage as well!

God bless,
Jay

∼ πλ · 30 September 2004, 4 pm · by Jay ¬
Mark,
I understand you have the best intentions for your students, however as a sixteen yearold student myself, I believe that telling the girls your views on premarital sex with the boys out of the classroom was not correct. It takes two to tango. Whilst encouraging the girls to respect themselves, why didnt you talk to the boys bout the same issue? If, as you say, the boys are those ones putting pressure on the girls, shouldnt they too be educated about respecting the girls decisions?
I also think you should understand that is it not always about the boys going after the girls; some girls enjoy sex as well. I go to a non-government school (which is called a private school in Australia but I think in America they are referred to as public schools so it’s a little confusing) and we have an excelent sex education program which, as most schools in Australia, teaches safe sex, not abstinence. Australia has a lower teen pregnancy rate than America which I believe can be put to the education in our schools. If teenagers want to have sex, drink alcohol, or take drugs they will, and they will learn from their own mistakes. It is important to be taught the dangers and concequences of your actions, but to be given your own choices. It’s also important to have a supportive home and school environment with people who will respect your decisions and help to guide you. I hope my view, as a teenager myself, has bought a new light to the issue.
Jane

∼ πλ · 21 October 2004, 3 am · by Jane ¬

— Sorry, no more comments may be added. —

CowPi Journal

Lets Talk About Sex

Comments

Best of CowPi